Whether you have lost your ability to graduate, host an event, hang out with friends, or any other loss in your life that may feel small compared to losing a loved one, please know…
There is no loss too small to grieve.
There seems to be a lot of guilt and shame attached to grief right now due to the comparison of losses, which prevents us from fully feeling whatever our loss is. And dismissing our pain prevents us from fully feeling it and healing. Whatever you do, do not compare your loss to anyone else’s loss. There is no right way to grieve and there is no timeline to grief.
We are all collectively and actively grieving right now.
And we have a collective invitation to actively heal together in this moment too.
To heal is to grieve. To grieve is to feel. And to feel is to be present.
If you are upset over missing a birthday party, you don’t need to be feeling guilty for that sadness when you hear of other people losing their job or a family member. Your pain over your loss is valid. It’s important. And it needs to be felt… no matter how small.
When you’re suffering a loss of any size, how do you grieve?
It’s important to be present with your emotions. As we said before, healing is feeling. It’s easy to want to shove uncomfortable feelings down, ignore them, or numb them, but doing so adds to the pain over the long-term.
At Love Not Lost, we believe the body is an active participant in this life, which means it is an active participant in grief too. The natural state of the body desires to be whole and healed. When we get a paper cut, our bodies go into healing mode. On simplified level, the pain communicates to us that the injury is present, the blood clots, and new skin grows, and we’re healed. When we face emotional pain, our bodies work without our control to start the healing process too - it just looks different. Instead of blood clotting, sometimes tears may flow.
With significant injuries, sometimes our bodies need help. Whether it’s a severed limb or a shattered heart, we can support our bodies to heal but we have to know what they need.
We have developed a self-care toolkit to help people support their bodies, minds, and souls through the process and have been diving into it on our Instagram account. In our self-care toolkit lessons, we have looked at ways to support our bodies and have dug into the aspects of rest, love, and peace so far. We won’t dive into that here since the videos can be watched at any time, but beyond the self-care toolkit, what else can you do to grieve and support your body throughout the losses you’ve felt?
Here are 10 things you can try:
Cry it out. This may seem simple, but crying is an incredible release that we often try to subconsciously avoid and may even apologize for it. Let it out!
Take grief to someone you trust. Having emotional support from the outside can be critical when our burdens have become too much to bear.
Sit in the sun. Not only will you get vitamin D and other great benefits from the sunlight, but you also can have a moment to be present with your feelings if you can sit in peace and quiet.
If trauma is a part of your story, seek out help specific to trauma like EMDR therapy or other brain/body work to help you heal.
Be selective on who you let into your life. When in pain, the last thing you need is more pain or negativity. Right now, you need to be surrounded by love as much as you can, so choose your community intentionally.
Don’t isolate yourself. It can be tempting to want to hole up in your room and never leave your bed or your house, but being with the right people can help lift your mood, remind you that you’re not alone even if it feels that way, and can help you get outside of yourself to think of others.
Write out your feelings. If you’re not a talker, sometimes writing can be the best therapy. It’s a safe space for you to feel everything and release it without fear, worry, or judgement. If you want extra security or release, you can burn the pages once you’re finished.
Practice gratitude - not in a way that minimizes what you’re feeling, but in a way that genuinely appreciates what you have. This can be making a list, saying it out loud, or sharing with people you love.
Meditation. If you’re a beginner, there are incredible apps out there that have short guided meditations to help you lower anxiety and sit with feelings. If you’re experienced in meditation, maybe you take it up a level and go into a float tank.
Rest. True rest. Not just sleep, but allowing your body to come down out of survival mode and have a break. Everyone is unique, so what is rest to one person may look different, but it’s important to figure out what rest is for you and make it a priority.
Regardless of your method, being mindful of your body, your feelings, and your needs is critical to healing. We will be sharing more on the blog soon and across our social channels @lovenotlostorg. We look forward to sharing more to support you in this journey.