Meet Elannia, The First Member of the Love Not Lost Family

If you haven't read the last blog post about our first applicant, Stephanie and her family, please take a minute to do so. This post is a continuation of our journey with her.

The Friday before our launch party, I was working to get all of the last minute stuff done before the weekend. At 11am, the phone rang. It was a nurse from Northside Hospital letting me know Stephanie needed an emergency c-section immediately if they were going to meet Elannia alive. The doctor had been called and Stephanie was checked into a room already. I dropped everything, grabbed my gear, and headed to Northside Hospital in Forsyth as quickly as I could.

They were getting her prepped for surgery when I arrived, so they let her know I made it and I waited in the hallway with close family and friends. Even though there was a sense of excitement to meet Elannia, heaviness filled the halls as tremendous amounts of grief hung in the air knowing if she makes it out of the womb alive, she won't have long to be with us. We ended up in a waiting room together where we shared stories, the pastor prayed, tears were shed, and we waited.

The staff was wonderful and they kept us informed when Elannia was born.

Elannia was able to be with us for one hour and 23 minutes.  

The short life of Elannia impacted everyone there in such a way that we will never be the same. We may not ever be able to understand why babies die and why bad things happen to good people, but we do know that every life has a heart beat; and every heart beat is full of love and purpose, even if we never fully comprehend it.

Because Elannia had Trisomy 13, she had a few extra fingers and toes, that were truly precious. On one of her feet, her extra pinky toe joined the other one in what appeared to be the shape of a heart. One of her ears also resembled a heart, and the more we looked, the more we saw hearts everywhere. She was truly full of love… a love that won't be lost or forgotten.

The nurse took measurements and bathed Elannia before wrapping her up to be swaddled and cuddled by her mom. We waited until Stephanie was ready for us to take pictures of Elannia by herself. During our session together, we laughed, we cried, and experienced all of the emotions you could possibly feel pouring out in the matter of a few hours. I had the honor of having another photographer, Brandy, join me for the shoot. Stephanie wanted a full newborn shoot, so she planned with Brandy ahead of time to pick out props and ideas for pictures that she really wanted us to capture. We were so happy to preserve these memories for her and her whole family.

At the end of our session, Zaeden, who was giving Stephanie belly hugs during our maternity session and squealed with joy when he felt Elannia kick, started stealing kisses from his little sister. His face lit up with the same joy and delight from our maternity session and it was just the sweetest thing. As a mother, you could see Stephanie's heart overflowing in those moments. As a photographer, I was so grateful for the ability to freeze time for her.

At one point, Stephanie looked up at me from the bed and with sorrowful eyes said, "I am so sorry we won't be coming to the party tomorrow." I just laughed, "Girl, I think you have enough things going on! Don't you feel bad for a second about missing the party. We had a surprise for you, but we'll be sure to deliver it this week." If you read the last post, you already know that I delivered a canvas for their home to bring to the memorial if they wanted to share it with others. The smiles and joy that overflowed when they saw the canvas for the first time is exactly why we do what we do. We hope that the canvas, the photo book, and other art work they fill their home with from our sessions together continues to bring them joy and remind them of the amazing love they share.

The memorial was the following weekend, and although we couldn't get the book in time for the memorial, Stephanie did bring the canvas to showcase and we also sent our photographs to be added to the memorial slideshow Brandy put together. If you'd like to see the full video and learn more about Stephanie's journey with her family, you can visit their Facebook page. 

We know the days ahead are going to be tough. Coming home without your child is one of the most painful transitions. Please keep this family in your thoughts in the days, weeks, and months ahead.

Our First Love Not Lost Applicant

On January 19th, we received our first Love Not Lost applicant. That date is rather significant in our story because that is the day that Skylar turned two months old. That is also the day that we received the official diagnosis of SMA and our world came crashing down. On November 19th, 2016, I smiled. It seems that every day that used to hold negative feelings is being redeemed before my very eyes.

The applicant was Stephanie Rogers, and she wrote to us:

"I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with a baby girl that has been diagnosed with full trisomy 13 (a rare, fatal chromosomal disorder). We're not sure we will be able to meet her alive, as most trisomy 13 babies pass away in utero. The few who survive labor and delivery rarely make it a week. Our daughter, Elannia, has several major heart defects and our perinatologist thinks once the cord is cut it won't be long. We were given the offer to terminate the pregnancy, and my husband and I refused. We have chosen to let God make the call when it's time for her to go home. This photo session would mean so much to us and help us remember the precious time we will get to share with her."

I called her the next day and we had a wonderful conversation. I was in awe of her faith, her bravery, and her strength. I let her know that we would be happy to photograph her with her husband and two other children whenever it was time to deliver. She agreed to keep me posted throughout the pregnancy and I went back to planning our official launch of Love Not Lost.

As we were developing the tagline that best represented our mission, "Celebrating life and love in the face of grief," I kept going back to the celebrating life part. Because we had time, I asked Stephanie how she would feel about a professional maternity session in addition to the photos we would take for her delivery. I wanted to be able to get to know them as we celebrate Elannia alive in her mother's womb and have some fun memories together since her life after delivery wasn't a guarantee. She was thrilled and we set up a session in April, knowing Stephanie would likely deliver her baby in May.

As with all of our portrait sessions, we like to find out what the family likes to do together so that we can best capture real personalities, get authentic lifestyle shots, and preserve some great memories. Stephanie shared that they love going to Lake Lanier, so we planned an evening session together at the lake. Although Brianna, the oldest daughter couldn't make it, we still captured some beautiful moments. You'll be able to see the moment that their son Zaeden felt Elannia kick with his hands on her belly, and the pure joy that followed.

We were going to present a canvas from this session to Stephanie, and her husband Chris, at our launch party last Saturday... but the day before, we got a call that Stephanie needed an emergency c-section if she were going to meet their daughter alive.

I packed up and drove to the hospital last Friday to capture their sweet daughter, Elannia, after she was born. Since we couldn't give the canvas to them at the party, I drove to their house a few days ago and presented it to them at their home. We chose the last black and white image you see in the slideshow above because it captures so much joy, laughter, and love. Three things that are hard to come by in the days following the loss of a child.

Stephanie & Chris' faces lit up when they opened the canvas and shared their excitement that it's going to fit in perfectly above their bed. These smiles are exactly why we do what we do.

Even though the book won't be ready in time for the memorial service, we wanted them to have this canvas as an option to bring to their church to put on display. We also sent along the newborn images we took of Elannia to another photographer who is putting together a slideshow for the service and hope the images bring comfort and peace to all who are there.

We'll be sharing those photos soon as well as a party recap for those who are curious. Please keep this family in your thoughts. The days ahead are going to be so tough as they find their new normal through grief. Thank you.

We're Having A Party, And You're Invited!

As Robin Williams once said, "Spring is Nature's way of saying 'Let's Party'!" and we happen to agree! On April 30th, we would be honored to have you join us for Love Not Lost's official launch party in Atlanta.

We will be celebrating in style with drinks, hors d'oeuvres, and the premiere of our Love Not Lost promo video. We'll have a silent auction to help raise money so we can start serving families and hope you can join us for the cocktail party! A huge thank you to Foglio Press for sponsoring our invitations:

At the event, in addition to getting the very first look at the Love Not Lost promo video, you'll meet families we've already served and learn about the families who've applied and are waiting for us to photograph them. You'll get to enjoy fine wine as you choose from a wide variety of items to bid on including collector items, original artwork, jewelry, unique experiences like a cocktail tasting at Atlanta's favorite Octane Coffee Bar, a week long trip to Mexico, a golf trip to Arnold Palmer's Orlando course, a California VIP wine tour, and much more. 

We are still accepting items and experiences for the auction if you, or someone you know, would like to participate. Please email ashley@lovenotlost.org if you have items or want to help by making an introduction to someone who could donate. We also have sponsorships available:

Don't forget that tickets are limited due to the location, so be sure to get them right away before is slips your mind and they are sold out. We would hate for you to miss it and hope you'll join us for a night to remember! 

A Tribute to Easter - The Joy of Spring

As we are surrounded with the explosion of blushing cherry blossoms, the bold yellows of daffodils, and the bright magentas and purples of the redbuds, it's obvious that Spring has arrived. I don't know about you, but every time I see flowers, something in me feels a little lighter. Flowers make me happy because it is a sign that the death of Winter has passed and the new life of Spring is ready to celebrate. As Robin Williams once said, "Spring is nature's way of saying 'Let's Party'!" 

As we enter this season of celebration, some of you may be in a season of life that isn't so joyful. For those of you who know me, you know that I have a large flower tattoo on my forearm. I'd like to share that story with you as I feel it's significant to this season. 

In January of 2010, I called a dear friend of mine from Clemson, Amy, and told her how scared I was. We knew something was severely wrong with Skylar's development at that point, but we didn't know how bad it was. We were days away from her two month check up, where we would get the official diagnosis. I was terrified that I would be left helpless and without hope. After sharing that with her, Amy's reply was simply this:

"Ashley, most people are like dandelions. They will be tossed in the wind, take root wherever they land, and go through most of life just fine. However, some people are more like orchids. They require special care and specific environments to survive. Maybe Skylar is a little orchid." 

Just weeks after hearing Amy's calming words, my greatest fears came true. Skylar was diagnosed with SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy) and we were told she would likely not see her first birthday. There was no cure. Spring was not so joyful that year. Skylar became our little orchid, and we worked tirelessly to provide the best care and environment for her to thrive while she was with us. 

After Skylar died, I knew I wanted an orchid tattoo in remembrance of her. It would be a physical representation of the emotional scars that would forever be within. It would need to be in a place where I could see it daily, and share it with others. The colors would need to be bold and bright, just like my little orchid. After explaining all of this to Matt, the tattoo artist, he came back with a stencil that was much larger and a different style than what was in my head. I looked at it laying on my arm and said, “let’s do it” because after all, isn’t that a fair representation of life? It’s not what I expected, but it’s still beautiful. After 3.5 hours in the chair, it was complete. 

The words “I Shall Arise” are tattooed above the flower, which is a loose translation for the latin word “Resurgem” - a word we engraved on the stone marking her grave. You’ll find the words “Faith” “Hope” and “Love” tattooed within the leaves of the flower on my arm - three things that Skylar taught me through her short yet powerful life. The pain I felt while under the needle was nothing compared to the pain that was in my heart. There was something so satisfying about getting that tattoo. 

In my grief of losing her, I thought I had lost joy too. Although time doesn’t heal, it does allow for processing. My grief will never go away because the love I have for Skylar will always be there. However, through the time that’s passed, I’ve become stronger and can now carry that grief much more easily than when it was raw. I've learned how to celebrate life and love in the face of grief. 

If you're still in a season of Winter, where there is death and things are dreary, know that you are not alone. There is hope for Spring and joy in your future, even if it's not how you imagine it to be. 

As we celebrate Spring as an organization, we agree that it's time to party. Consider this your official save the date for April 30th, when we will be throwing our official launch party in midtown Atlanta. Details coming soon so stay tuned! We hope you can join us!

Somebody to Love on Valentine's Day

On this day, we are encouraged by society to celebrate the romantic kind of love, lavished with kind words, chocolates, flowers, diamonds, kisses, and the newest apple gadgets. All of that certainly has its place, but we hope the other love in your life doesn't get overlooked. There are many people in our lives to love and be loved by... One of the the most important people to love is yourself.

The love you have for yourself and the love you share with others through friendships and other relationships can change your life.

When you suffer the loss of someone you love, your heart can be so broken that loving anyone, including yourself, feels almost impossible.

My husband and I were in the almost impossible. After losing our daughter Skylar, we knew we were up against a 90% divorce rate. It would've been so easy to walk away and I am pretty sure most everyone would've understood if we had. This is where love is so important and I hope you hear me on this.

We need to be loved, but it doesn't always have to be romantic love.

It was our parents, our few close friends, and our church leadership, that came through to love us when we weren't capable of loving each other. Our hearts were shattered and we were severely depressed. We felt empty, but each time we were loved by others, it gave us a little bit of love for ourselves and love to share with one another.

It was around this time that I discovered a company called So Worth Loving. I loved their message and bought a tank top that said, "You Are So Worth Loving" planning to spread the message to anyone who needed to hear it. It wasn't long before I realized that person was me. Years of negative self talk like, "Ugh. You're an idiot - I can't believe you did that wrong!" or "You're such a screw up, you overslept again!" and so many more lies had been adding up. I was the one who struggled with believing that I was worth loving and needed that truth to sink into my bones.

Every person reading this is worth loving. You might shrug it off or say, "no really... if you knew what I've done..." or maybe, "not me, I am a terrible person because..." Please listen when I tell you that everyone has made a bad decision (or many) at some point in their life. We all have things we could have absolutely done better, but that doesn't mean you are undeserving or unworthy of love.

Every negative thing we say to ourselves can start to become something we believe. Once we believe the lie that we're incapable of doing something right or we're not enough, it becomes truth and prevents us from loving ourselves, loving others, and being great.

As I've grown to love myself better, I've been amazed how much easier it is to love other people with the same kindness, forgiveness, grace, and patience that I am able to show myself. I'm also willing to take more risks and be more vulnerable, because I know that no matter what, I am still worth loving at the end of the day. It's this love for myself and love for others, that helped form the values and foundation of Love Not Lost.

The driving question of Love Not Lost is, "How can we love people better?" We have so many plans for this on a variety of different levels are are excited to share those with you when it's time. That's why our logo is the heart you see today. It's multi-faceted representing the many parts of our organization beyond just the photos. The facets resemble a gem to communicate the value we place on loving yourself and loving others better. Each connection point represents community, knowing that we are much stronger when we have the support of others than when we are alone. The many triangles represent the many people this is going to require to make Love Not Lost a successful organization. The colors are made up of golds, pinks, reds, and oranges to symbolize the different types of love as well as the different stages of grief and healing. We could go on about what the logo means to us, but we'd really like to know what the logo means to you! Would you please leave us a comment and let us know? We're excited to hear from you!

We hope your Valentine's Day is full of love!

Introducing Our Official Logo & Upcoming Events!

Hi Everyone -

We have some really exciting announcements today!

First, we were selected as a 99nonprofits design contest recipient so we were able to run a logo contest for free - a HUGE thanks to 99designs! We worked with some really talented designers and were able to select a finalist for our official logo, which can now be seen on the website and across our social media. I can't wait to see it on some beautiful merchandise! 

Next announcement is that we are having a LulaRoe fundraising party on the afternoon of March 12th that you can participate online or in person if you're able to come to the west side of Atlanta. We have some fabulous consultants joining together to make this a really fun pop-up shop type event at 2270 Defoor Hills Rd NW, Atlanta, GA 30318 running from 1-4pm. The consultants will be donating a portion of the proceeds and LulaRoe will match it! We will post more information to the online event as it gets closer. Make sure you follow us on social media @lovenotlostorg for updates as well.

Last, but certainly not least, we are having a silent auction fundraising party at the end of April. We are collecting donations for the auction and would love to have some really cool experiences to bid on that evening. We already have a few Atlanta favorites participating, including a really awesome tote full of coffee and goodies from Octane! If you or someone you know is connected with any GA sports team, the GA Aquarium, Six Flags, north GA wineries, or other fun places, please let us know! We are looking for items as well - autographed items, jewelry, artwork, or other items that might help us raise a lot of money. We are hoping to raise enough so that we can get started photographing people who need and want their photos taken. We look forward to hearing from you and thank you in advance for any help you can offer, even if it's a simple introduction. Every little bit helps!

Be sure to sign up for our newsletter if you haven't already. Our subscribers are the first to know about our events and get the insider information about Love Not Lost. We can't wait to get this party started! Help us spread the word!

Why Love Not Lost?

Hello and thank you for stopping by our blog. We are so excited that you are here!

My name is Ashley, founder of Love Not Lost. I want to welcome you to our website and share more of my heart here on the blog. This post is dedicated to why I started Love Not Lost beyond what's included in my story. If you don't have time to read my story right now, it's important to know I had a daughter named Skylar. She was given a terminal diagnosis at 2 months old and we had to say goodbye to her at 21 months old. During that time, we made the most of life and had two photographers gift us portrait sessions. Below is just one of the many sweet moments captured with our girl.

Compliments of Tessa Marie

When Skylar died, it was so hard for me to look at any photos of her. I couldn't bear the pain of not having her physically with me and photos just made me hurt. My love for her was directly related to the pain I felt, and I wasn't sure if my heart would survive. But as the days passed, I longed to see her face, to hold her hands, kiss her cheek, and snuggle all day long. Photos were all I had left to physically hold. They kept her close and helped me remember.

As I was in the thick of grief, the photos we were given helped me carry on each day. There were days I barely got out of bed. There were days full of tears and pain. Let's just say there were some really bad days. However, with each day that passed, I had hope that somehow, I would learn to live in this new normal of being a mom without my daughter... that things would get better.

I stayed thankful for the good things I had in my life and tried to look beyond myself to help others. As a professional photographer, I offered free portrait sessions to anyone I heard of facing a terminal diagnosis... You see, a professional portrait session wasn't something we had even considered with Skylar because our minds were focused on survival. We didn't have the time to research who would be a good photographer with a special needs child, let alone have the money for quality results with our growing medical bills. But looking back, the sessions we were gifted were so valuable and something I didn't even realize I would want or need. It is a gift that I hope to pay forward a million times over.

Compliments of Tessa Marie

As I have started giving this gift to others, I have been able to celebrate life, grieve loss, and learn what's really important: Love. In every session, whether celebrating life or preparing to say goodbye, my goal is always to capture love. I want to preserve memories to hold close when the grief comes and love disguises itself as pain. I want to capture a smile, a look, a touch that people can find comfort in when their loved one seems a distant memory.

Of the families I've worked with already, I've had to say goodbye to some amazing people. As much as it breaks my heart to share in the grief of losing them, it brings me great joy to know that I was able to preserve memories of their love for their family and friends to turn to for comfort.

It's now been over 4 years since Skylar died, and the photos that were taken of our family are framed in our home. They are the only way that our newer friends can "meet" Skylar. They bring me so much joy each day as I can look at them and see the love we shared. As I struggle to hold on to memories as life carries on, the photos provide a physical backup to my mind. They have helped me grieve and heal and I am forever grateful for them. 

I hate seeing people in the same situation that we were in - knowing your loved one is going to die. However, when death waits patiently, I believe that you can make the most of the time you have. Through photography, I am going to do everything possible to help carry the burden with those facing a terminal diagnosis and provide resources so that you can help me carry it too. I will not be able to do this alone!

As we share more stories on the blog, my hope is that people will be comforted that they are not alone in their grief and suffering. We are building an online community of encouragement and love and invite you to join us. 

Please share our story and our website with your friends and family. Follow us on social media - give us your likes, comments, and shares. Awareness is critical to building a strong community with great people who share our heart in helping preserve memories and spread love to those grieving. We will need volunteers and donors to help us start photographing in the Spring, so please be sure to share, volunteer, and give as you are able.

Thank you for supporting Love Not Lost!